i had another birthday

it's a good thing my birthday only comes once a year because i become too hyper for my own good and basically get a little out of control. this year was no exception! i was fortunate enough to ring in another year with the best friends a girl could ask for.

mike and i had a bit of a soirée at his house friday, the 18th - and my actual birthday, for both our special days. his day was the following monday and therefore no fun. we had our lovely friends over with lots of drinks to be had! early in the evening, i helped kristen bake some of her tasty vegan cupcakes for the occasion. okay, i really only poured the soy milk in the bowl while she was mixing. but i was there for moral support! i also helped devour the cupcakes. mmm chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter icing! i died. as an added bonus, my friend jason bought me framboise for my birthday. it was so tasty!

the next night was a house roustabout! with the maximums and the tell-tale signs. amazing! i had so much fun! plus, my dear friends jenn, dave zak, and shane came to state college for the event and to help me celebrate. it was so good to see them! there was a bottle of whiskey, dancing, and so many good people.

sunday rounded out the birthday events with margaritas and more beer. cameron, shane, mike, and i had a movie fest that included teen wolf, teen wolf too, peewee's big adventure, and wayne's world. it was quite the ridiculous day.

even though it's been almost two weeks, i'm still trying to readjust to being functional again. plus, i caught this nasty cold that's been plaguing me. oh well - i have to keep trucking! on that note, my favorite photo from my birthday by jenn:

(myself + shane)

new beginnings

many events come to pass in life that seem completely surreal, that leave one shell-shocked and questioning. i've experienced a number of these moments and, even in my shock, i am able to see the logic behind it. for some reason, the means from point a to point b have always made sense to me - no matter how disconcerting the situation is.

the latest disaster happened to me just over a month ago. perhaps i shouldn't write about it; that would be tactless. however, i feel some overwhelming urge to explain how everything was to how everything is, while giving the vaguest details possible.

in january of this year, i moved to philadelphia with my boyfriend. two weeks ago, i moved back to state college, newly single. there it is: point a and point b. how did we get here? it is not lack of love or respect. i chalk it up to bad timing and bad behavior - on both ends. we continue to love and respect each other. yet, at this point in our life, it just wasn't meant to be. maybe when we're older; maybe when our heads are clearer.

here i am, back in state college. this is the second time i've moved away, only to return after a short time, but i know this is where i need to be right now. i've forced my departure from this place so many times. perhaps i need to let it happen more naturally next time.

while i'm here though, i plan on being more optimistic. i have plans for myself: back to work at the lounge, start up the etsy store again, start shopping for schools. these are really good short-term projects that will keep me occupied and help me focus again.

despite feeling incredibly displaced and as if my life has been turned upside down, i, for once, am not panicking. i actually feel really positive about everything. it's a great feeling!

the garden kitten

relaxing with garden kitten
Originally uploaded by mybuffaloheart

for almost two months now, brian and i's life has revolved around this little rascal. from when she appeared from underneath the deck while i was gardening, she has been the apple of our eye.

originally, we planned to bring little baby and her mom to live with us. however, the mom cat is stubborn and will have none of this living inside nonsense. however, we are slowly helping little baby to adjust being in the house. for now though, she continues to live outside.

she definitely is a rambunctious little tyke. while i love her dearly, she is on my naughty list after chewing through my headphone cords yesterday. i first blamed it on brian, but he retorted that he most certainly could not have left the tiny chew marks on the cords. driven by anger and annoyance, i looked down at the kitten to where she was sitting on the living room floor and proceeded to lecture her on not eating my belongings. yes, i reprimanded the cat. however, it was not to last long as brian went over, picked up the kitten, and began to coo at her that i was mean and he liked her the best.

even now, as little baby sits on my lap, trying to nibble at my arms and legs, i can't stay angry with her. on the contrary, my annoyance persists with brian for spoiling her rotten and, most likely, teaching her to eat my belongings.

love you, pappy.

my grammy & pappy's wedding portrait
Originally uploaded by mybuffaloheart

it seemed fitting for me to return to a bit of blogging today. today would have been my grandfather's 79th birthday. he passed away nearly two months ago.

my grandfather was such an enormous part of my life. even now, it's still hard for me to write or talk about him without getting choked up.

i am very fortunate to have many fond memories of him: going to the park, watching the trains, riding on the lawn mower.

he was a remarkable man with many flaws, but he will always be my pappy.

single vs. together

what i will miss about being alone for a month:

+ i come and go as i please
+ i don't make plans
+ i eat & sleep on weird schedules
+ i take up the entirety of the bed
+ i use the bathroom with the door open
+ i eat the shittiest food instead of proper meals
+ i can have my clothes everywhere

what i am looking forward to having my partner back:

+ sleeping next to him
+ having someone share the house responsibilities
+ not coming home to an empty house every night
+ having him put on leonard cohen when i'm not feeling well
+ having him make me dinner so i remember to eat
+ eating the shittiest food with him (even though he wants to be healthier)
+ watching "24" on hulu - even though i hate it
+ listening to and getting excited about new music
+ turntable! records! new speakers!
+ having him listen to me yammer on about stupid stuff i think is important
+ making him take out the garbage
+ so much more...

really, this time alone has helped me come to terms with a lot going on in my life. i proved to myself i can be alone and survive. but what it comes down to: i want him here. i want to have our life together.

so baby, come home.

a new outlet

because i have a short attention span and i find ridiculous things on the internet, i started a tumblr for when i am too lazy to actually write something.

see it: http://avoiretetre.tumblr.com/

i'm going to update this blasted blog here in a matter of days. big things are happening...

a match not made in heaven.

i proposed to brian on the phone today. i thought he would see the value in getting married on myspace.

he said no.